Change Of Plans

So........ The original plan of this blog was to keep you informed of my journey to find my beloved " Vladi ", however things have changed drastically everything from me falling in love with someone else's man, to falling out with Danielle over a bad business deal which resulted in us not speaking for months, and the ultimate was Babydaddy # 2 calling child protective services on me because he believes that I should not raise my voice to our daughter, so he concocted this story to the state that I am abusive and low and behold the state shows up at my door questioning my parenting!!! ( That's the reason why I can't mess with these Negro's always some damn drama). Then the daunting task of finding a job is becoming more and more discouraging but my God has been more than good to me, I mean really good I have not lacked in anything so that pretty much keeps my faith alive.
It's funny the roads and paths that life takes you through because the vision that I had as far as finding a partner has so.......... changed. I know when I first revealed that I had fallen for the forbidden fruit ( another woman's man ) it caused a stir with you guy's !!!! ( I know I know ) Well I hate to break it to you we still deal with each other, in my opinion not the way we used to,initially I became his woman and she became his side chick, in the sense of I had him mentally, physically, and emotionally. That lasted longer than I thought it would ( guess he was impressed by me) lmaoo, but then came my turn and he offically gave me the spot that was initially mine
" Side Chick " and boy when I tell you I was like a fish out of water for two reasons first being I've always been " the wife " in every relationship, and second who the phuck was flipping the script I thought everything was love ( SMDH I AM CRAZY).
I know that this is a touchy subject, especially for you guys that are the wife, but the culture that I come from ( west indian ) this was all to common even in the household that I grew up in. The man had his immediate family that he loved and adored and took care of, and he usually had another family else where that he was doing the same thing for, but that other family generally was never discussed and although this is the first time that I have been the other woman, my expectations from him were not met when he decided that he was going " home ". At this point I am still connected to him because of the friendship we developed and the love that we have for each other, I never wanted him to leave his family, I was however content with him being my "man" as long as he met my standards,basically not treating me like the other woman ( the nerve of me ).
Aghhh......... moving along so I sold my car to Danielle and when I tell you it was the worst move ever, I promise business and friends don't match at all. My intent was to help Danielle out with a car because she had The kids and was taking cabs and getting rides everywhere, my car at the time was in pretty good condition, and to be honest I got a good deal on the car that I purchased in which I looked at as being a blessing to me, so I was trying to bless someone else and well let's just say that when money is involved things can get a little crazy to say the least and it ended up to where we didn't speak for months, it was really hard on the kids because they were as close as we were. Danielle turned out to be the bigger one because she came to me after about four months of us not talking to hash things out and although things are not quite the same, at least the air is clear and I learned a valuable lesson NEVER DO BUSINESS WITH FRIENDS.
Baby Daddy, Baby Daddy, Baby Daddy, he is actually the founder of me not wanting to deal with Negros my God I have never met such a bitter man, I get no child support, I call him for absolutley nothing in regards to our child yet and still he finds a way every time to cause grief in my life, but this last stunt he pulled took the cake. Long story to the short he over heard me yelling at our daughter, after she put on a performance in the car repair shop. To him I should have spoken softly and not raised my voice, to me she was lucky that I didn't knoCK her head off, I could understand if I was cursing and carrying on but I was simply chastizing her. I don't curse at my kids because as a child whilst living with my real mother she cursed like she belonged on a sail boat in the middle of the ocean, and to be honest I hated it every time she went there so naturally I don't curse at my children. My stare and tight lipped get in ya face demeanor is enough for my bambinos to not play with me. Anyway we got into a big argument and with that he threatened to call child welfare in which I told him to do what he felt he had to, the damn fool reported me the very next day. When I got the call at first I thought it was a joke, but when she actually came to my home I at that point wrote him off, I felt so violated by the questions that she asked me and my daughter, she even took pictures because he claimed that I hit her and she had bruises. I thought how could he do that to me?, I am the sole care giver for his child, before her was my son and he never witness me hit him so why all of a sudden would I start hitting his daughter?, furthermore if I did hit her it is and would be for good reason. To me this guy was certified 7:30 and belonged in the G building of Kings County Hospital ( That's the phsych ward in a hospital in Brooklyn). The case worker closed the case after she visited my home and started a child support case for me, (that's why it doesn't pay to be malicious Karma always finds her way back good or bad).
Given all of those events and some, my Vladi took a back seat, I still stand by me wanting to experience the other side but I may have to go about things another way, you see I have always been spiritual, love God, firm beleiver in him but I have reached the "cross roads" as they would say. I have been called to start living my life in a different way, there is no other way of saying it other than God speaking to my heart, I have come a long way while not living right. When you have a calling it is an honor because whilst we are all blessings and children of God a few are selected to carry out his work. I don't know if that's me and to be honest I would much rather keep on living how I was living because the expectation isn't so high but you cannot ignore God's voice and that is where I am. I'm talking about I feel weird when I curse, I stopped drinking, i'm attending church regulary because I am so hungry for the word, I am in constant prayer, I struggle everyday to be a better person in the eyes of the lord, you know it's real if I can all Baby Daddy #2 and apologize for any wrong doing I may have done to him, and not because I felt that I did anything wrong but because it was put in my spirit to do so, maybe I did something along the way that offended him or maybe I hurt him so bad by leaving our relationship it caused him to want to bestow hurt unto me. To be honest it's crazy but I am starting to believe that God has a bigger plan for me and that finding a man is not priority he needs me to get right in all areas of my life " ALL AREAS".
So...... on that note stay tuned for more drama, I am however better today than I was yesterday and just trying to keep it real with ya'll this life we live is bigger than what we see stop walking with your "eyes wide shut" you may miss your mark!!!!