" Get The Hell Out The Kitchen"

I apologize to my loyal readers it's been a while since I updated the blog, but you will appreciate what I have to say. This game of life seems to get more complicated every time I think I have it figured out, I am starting to look at things on more of a give and take type of deal. Over the past two weeks I have suffered some real devastating blows that had me in " limbo " literally. One of the main reasons I started this journey to date " other " men is because as a 31 year old black woman with two children by different men I had to and still do by my youngest child's father go through the " BabyDaddy " drama. Hate is a strong word but my goodness I loathe it with passion. About two weeks ago " Baby Daddy number 2 " and I had a really big argument, in the six years that I have known him, words were exchanged that day, that made me feel lower than dirt, I was in a different place mentally after that experience I walked away feeling that by any means necessary I will never let a man/woman make me feel that way ever again. The anger that I felt could have put me behind bars for a long time, so I was forced to put my children first and walk away. I didn't talk for three days after that I was broken, then it all came together for me on the third day. " Why the hell should I care what my baby daddy thought about me ?" . When the relationship finally ended it was because of me, I had enough and that was all there was to it, everybody has their limit and when I reached my limit there was no talking me out of it. His hurtful words were words of a " Man Scorned ". We must give men the credit that they are owed good and bad, believe me when I say a " Man Scorned " is worse than a " Woman's Scorned " men are far less emotional than us on a regular day, however when they finally decide to tap into the emotional side of, if it doesn't work out the way they ( men ) expected, then the shame from their pride and ego getting hurt kicks in and all hell is bound to break loose, far worse than R. Kelly's wife's character in his song " When a woman's Fed Up" in that song his wife finds out he's cheating and pours hot grits on his azz while he's sleeping, it's funny in a sick kind of way, LOL .
My pity party didn't last long, that part of my life with my daughter's father is over and I am much happier now that it is over. I also had the help of my new " Man Friend " in getting over that incident LMAO. I met this guy a couple of months ago and when we first met I didn't give him the time of day, that's my usual M.O. But I have to admit that he was persistent in being friendly although I blew him off a few times. My non interest stemmed from the fact that I saw him with a woman sometimes and to me it appeared that they were more than friends.
One morning I saw him and he struck up a conversation with me, I guess the expression " Don't Judge A Book By It's Cover " is true because at first glance this brother looks like a pretty thug, he got swag, his gear does not speak corporate America, basically the complete opposite of my Russian, Italian and Jewish prospects so initially he had not a shot with me, but after our little talk I forgot about " Vladi" LMAO.
Since our first encounter he and I text and called one another everyday for the past two weeks, we even hung out at Danielle's house and shared a bottle of wine and a lot of "shyt talking". My only concern is that the woman that I saw him with is his girlfriend, I have never been the " type " to involve myself with anybody who is already involved but I see how easy it can happen. The good thing with my new " Man Friend" is that although he has expressed how much he would to " blow my back out " ( That's how the " thugs " talk, no home training !)he really enjoys our talks.
We could spend an easy three hours on the phone and have intelligent conversation with one another and in a way I feel good that I am able to give him something as innocent as conversation which seems to be the only thing that he complains that he doesn't get at home. That beats giving up the " goods " and then dealing with the emotional back lash, and that brings me to why I think I need to get " Out Of The Kitchen ".
" Man Friend " and I are highly sexually attracted to one another, and as bad as that may sound given the situation the worst part of this all is that we like each other, not just regular like either. One time we had a conversation and in it we both said we wished circumstances were different, meaning we could definetly see ourselves dating each other, at that point my mind took me back to Erykah Badu's "Next Lifetime ", I have never been a home wrecker and have no intentions on starting now, but, yes there is a but I almost want to see how far this thing between him and I can go.
I can see you guy's expression now as your reading this, I want you to take into consideration that at this point our sexual interest are only a fantasy, he has already shared with me that he is scared to even get that close to me because he can see himself feeling me more than he should. On the other hand I am single, right now just having fun with this whole dating thing and don't see the harm in carrying on a friendship with my new " Man Friend ".
Who the hell do I think i'm fooling? LOL this story is not new, i'm just a new character and this is how affairs get started, all the ingredients are there. I know what I should do, because in my heart I know that I require way to much to be the side piece. With me it's either all or nothing, but I now see how easy it is to fall victim, the worst kind of attraction to have in my opinion is to be sexually attracted to someone who has someone else because if that attraction is acted upon the chances are it will not end to good.
So with all that in mind, there shouldn't be a question of what I should do. But for some reason there is and I am really contemplating just trying this kind of "different", but my inner being is saying " Run Forest Run " get the hell out the kitchen your azz about to get burned!!!! LMAO
I'm just going to have to try my best to not let "Lust" have it's way, DAMN!!!